Sunday, October 31, 2010

In Honor of Matty Pantalones

One year ago today I got a phone call (while I had friends over for dinner) from my friend Jessica that our friend Matt had committed suicide.

He had been depressed ever since I'd known him. Sometimes he handled it well and sometimes he didn't. We lived a five minute walk away from each other and we hung out all the time. Matt would take me fishing, hiking, camping, and skiffing. We would call each other when we had to run errands because it is always more fun to run errands with someone else! (It usually involved a mocha.)

Usually we talked every single day, but when he was having a depressed episode I would never hear from him, often for a couple weeks. I'd leave baked goodies and food on his doorstep. He never said thank you for it, but I knew he appreciated that I didn't give up on him. He took it really hard when I told him I was moving to Portland. He started ignoring me and, of course, that was really hard on me because he was one of my best friends! He didn't always have the best coping skills and I knew it was really hard on him that one of his good friends was leaving.

Matt came to Portland just a couple weeks before he committed suicide and it was one of the few times I had seen him since I moved. He was just as silly as ever, trying on my jacket and picking me up and swinging me around.

We used to try and battle rap each other. Matt was really good at busting out rhymes and could make up lyrics about anything. He was a great musician, usually in a few different bands. I used to go to his house late and night and get on the drums while he was on guitar and we'd make up songs in his kitchen. He had turntables in his living room and he'd DJ for me. We loved the Beastie Boys and hip hop and were usually blasting it when we drove around in his crappy Toyota truck.

I think of Matt every single day and I miss him so much. He was such a good friend and a good person and had so much to offer.

He gave Artoo two of his names (MetalEdge GypsyTears) and was a very good doggie uncle.

We played kickball together. We went to plays, shows, and parties together.

I went up to Ketchikan last year for Matt's memorial and a TON of people came. It was huge. We had gigantic pallet fires on the beach and lit off fireworks. It was amazing and touching. Matt's life touched a lot of people and he is loved by many.

Matty Pantalones, I think of you every day and I miss you tons.

Love always,
Brittanica Flannica

P.S. You always were, and still are, the biggest poopface loser.

P.P.S. If anyone reads this who knew Matt, I'd love if you left a comment about him or told a story. He was loved by SO many people!

I don't even know what to say!

 Best doggie uncle ever!

 Shooting at Brown Mountain

Aiming at the stump

Face bites. Nothing out of the ordinary.


Hiking at Naha

 Out in the skiff

These were our "We are gonna effin' kick your ass at kickball" faces.

Pictures from Matt's memorial aka "Alaskans know how to party!"

Double fistin' the Rainiers, y'all! I'm also doing half of our "cornholder" gang sign.

I'm in the middle of a beeramid!

 Doing puppy hands in a crowd. What is Bromley doing?

Giant pallet fire. "It's what Matt would have wanted!" was our quote of the evening.

Derek and I watching fireworks at Refuge.

Motha-effin' whaaaa? Me jealous of the boys' fifty cent grillz.

 More beeramid!

 This fire felt amazing.

Harold Roth, you rock my world.

Brooke is hilarious! What were we laughing at? (Can you tell Rainier is our
cheap drink of choice in AK?)

I love you, Matt!


  1. That's such a sad story. I'm sorry for your friend and sorry for you. Matt left way too early.

    Your post is a lovely memorial. I lost a close friend two years ago and found solace in writing about her. It's good to express your feelings and recall your memories.

  2. Thank you so much for your comment! Yeah, today was kind of sad. So much sad lately! I keep looking ahead and I know all this stress and sadness isn't forever, but I gotta say that I'm pretty excited for it to not be happening. :o) My post was kind of a stream of thought, Matty memory get-it-out, but it worked for me. Ah, tomorrow is another day.

  3. I agree, that post was a lovely memorial! I can tell how much he meant to you. Very sad, but well remembered!


  4. Matt was our room mate for awhile in Portland, while he attended culinary school. He was always rocking the turntables in the basement for us to party to.
    We had a great time on my birthday that year, just laughing and playing...

  5. Aw, that's cool that you knew Matt and he DJed for you! He and another guy used to DJ at Fat Stan's in Ketchikan every week for awhile (or maybe it was every month...doesn't matter!) and it was so cool to hang out and hear him spin in public. I knew it made him feel really good to have people around him and enjoy his music. Ugh, I miss him!