Sunday, May 19, 2013

The Post In Which I Am Whiny - You Have Been Warned

Life update time. So much going on lately.

No, really, I haven't had much free time lately and it kinda sucks. It's great, but then it's not.

Let me explain.

In good news, I started Spanish class! It's pretty awesome. I am one of two ladies in the class. (I am a LADY.) It's kind of like I get a private lesson. My teacher's name is Ceci and she is so cute and wonderful. She's probably mid-20s and Mexican. She has glorious hair. She is the toughest Spanish teacher I've had, but I need that at this point. I am in intensive Spanish, which means we meet twice a week for an hour and a half each class. It's been great, but I haven't had much time to really focus on the language aspect. I have been making dumb mistakes on really easy stuff. I am a champ at conjugating verbs. I can usually speak well enough to get my point across for a lot of things. But I haven't been having time to complete the homework. My life has been too full of....stuff? to focus and I am feeling overwhelmed. I know it's temporary but I am just really tired.

Like today I get a surprise day off. I was originally going to be working the Saturday market but there is a race downtown today and it just makes it super sucky to sell to people. This race in particular, apparently. Karina is up in Seattle and doing GREAT so she had her husband come pick up all of my items last night and bring them up to Seattle so she could sell them there. She sold almost all of an entire size of skirts! Yeah, Karina!!

I should be bummed that I'm not making money today. Which I am. But I'm also kind of relieved. I have SO MUCH money to make by the end of the year to pay for my trip to Antarctica and South America. Did I mention I'll be out of town from about January 8-February 18? More about that in a sec...

So today Jonathan and I are going to go to Kruger's farm on Sauvie Island for a farm crit. It's this one here. I was originally bummed that I wasn't going to be able to go to any bike races this year because I'm working so many weekends, so I'm glad Jonathan and I will be able to make this one!

Back to Antarctica. I am burnt out on saving money. I know:

1. I did this to myself
2. I really do want to make Antarctica happen
3. I am just whining on my personal blog, of which I am the queen and maker-of-happenings

I'm tired of working so hard for this. WHINE WHINE WHINE. Normally I'm not so busy every night so I go to work, come home and relax with Jonathan and Artoo, and then work weekends and it's not a big deal. But right now I am working the weekends (or at least doing something on the weekends) and then having plans pretty much every night after work. I have had no down time lately. Brittany is tired.

I want to be able to spend money on things and not have pangs of "but you need to save $15,000 more to get to Antarctica!!!!!! don't buy that!" I KNOW I have told myself that it's okay to use money in savings if I need to, but that I am working hard throughout the year so that I only need to take less money out. And I know this is only temporary! Next year I won't technically have to be saving for SUCH an expensive trip. Like I mentioned before, I will be out of town for a month and a half, spending part of my winter in the balmy summer of the Southern Antarctica and Patagonia. (That was a joke.)

I will be able to relax more next year. But will I relax? To some degree, my side-hustles are pretty easy. House-sitting is me loving your pets for money. Using your water and electricity. (Even though I don't use much at all.) Working for Karina on the weekends is me being outside and schmoozing with people and other vendors (and reading, depending on how slow it is). But my side-hustles do take me away from home. So we'll see what happens next year. I do have a trip to Germany in July planned to be a bridesmaid for my friends getting married in a castle. (BOOYEAH.)

And then there's visiting my mom I want to do...and going to Ketchikan once or twice...and going to Oahu with Amy...and I'd love to visit Kim...and Renai...and Stina...oh, crap, now that's the whole year...

I wish I were independently wealthy sometimes so I could make all the travel I want to do happen Right Now.

I want to be able to buy some of the stuff I want without going OH SHIT I BOUGHT THINGS.

I broke down and went to Sephora this week. I have been trying to be a good minimalist and tell myself that I don't need or want colorful eye makeup but I doooooo. And I try and tell myself that the chemicals in the makeup are bad for me and if I get eyelid cancer down the road that I did it to myself, but I totally did this:

That's three eye liner pencils, one eye shadow pencil, some matte eyelid primer, and some eyelash curlers. I spent over a hundred bucks. My love of Urban Decay makeup has come out in full force. I have been a fan of UD since junior year of high school, where I would stock up on the (now discontinued) Lip Gunk and eye shadows. I love having crazy colorful eye makeup. I haven't done it in a long time for many reasons, but I broke down.

Like I said before, I am burnt out on saving money. Not like I ever go hog-wild (lie) and spend a bunch of money on stuff (lie), but sometimes I just want to buy things, darn it. I want to buy a shirt or a necklace or eye make-up and not be all, "OH, BRITTANY. DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT? NO! IT'S A WANT NOT A NEED." My inner voice is an all-caps kind of judgey beeyotch sometimes. But, yes, I bought eye makeup and I now have teal, fluorescent green, and bright purple (with sparkles!) eye liners.

This all will pass. I'm only feeling extra judgy on myself now because I'm mentally drained and I still need to keep working. I know when I am on a boat for three weeks, looking at minke whales and Shackleton's grave and millions of penguins and then hiking in Patagonia and drinking Argentinian wine and eating Argentinian beef and being all, "Oh, THIS is what the pampas looks like!" I will look back on the last two years and be all, "Thank god I worked my ass off to achieve one of my life dreams!"

But until then I am still human and I have bouts of whininess.

Thanks for reading.

(I'll leave you with some super cute pictures of Julius to redeem myself of all this whining. He's been snuggling with me for the last hour. I love him!)



  1. Don't be so hard on yourself! It's totally reasonable that when you swing too far in one direction, your inner moderator will swing back. Don't let this be a moment of guilt.
    Also, I've noticed you sometimes travel for petsitting - what are your conditions? Do you plan on doing it after Antarctica is paid off? I'm trying to figure out a house/pet sitting situation for next year...

    1. Yeah, I'm just being hard on myself because I just spent over a hundred bucks on magical eye pencils and I'm just really tired. Days off are special! Or, if I am working on my days off, I usually have week nights free, but not the past two weeks! So this post is a product of a fortnight of burnt-out-ed-ness.

      I do travel for petsitting! Except now I need to be able to go to work every day. :o/ Last year when I traveled to Ketchikan for pet-sitting it was because I only worked 15 hours a week at Mr. Green Beans. I am totally going to keep doing it for a long time! It is easy money and it's easy for me to be away from home and I do like to do it. I think you are in Washington? That would be...difficult. :o/ But what are you thinking?

  2. I think posts like this are perfectly acceptable, and therapeutic. Lord knows I've had plenty like this. We're saving for a house right now, and every stray dollar spent feels like a failure (but then I get mad when I don't spend any money). You're right, all of this will totally be worth it when you're on the adventure of a lifetime!!