Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Out of Whack
Warning: slightly rambling, stream-of-consciousness-just-gotta-get-it-out-of-me post ahead.
Lately, I have been feeling out of whack. I just haven't felt like myself. I've been feeling like a small, lame, uncool version of me. There's been some personal life stuff that's happened lately and it's basically just all added up and I feel like I go through my days just kind of drifting. I haven't been doing a lot of the stuff that makes me happy and I feel like I haven't seen my friends all that much lately. Like I said, I just feel kind of lame.
However, I'm turning that around. As of yesterday I made a little chart on the wall calendar in our kitchen so that I can be accountable for things I feel are important to me and just haven't really been focused on. I want to start taking my vitamins again every day, getting in at least 30 minutes of exercise, a bath once a week (Sunday nights used to be my girlie "read a magazine in the bath and then pamper myself" time, but that hasn't happened in awhile), going to yoga at least once a week, and stuff like that. I bought a Living Social deal for a yoga space in town and I haven't used it yet (and I had credits toward that deal, so every class is only $1.50 for me - I gotta use it!). Wednesday is going to be the first day that I actually GO.
I haven't felt like riding Eleanor or getting outside much. I just feel kind of unhappy and overwhelmed. Like I said, I can't talk about some of it on the blog, but my friends know some of the ongoing things I've been dealing with. It's even making me feel a little bit better just typing these words out.
I want to start doing community acupuncture again, which is fairly affordable to me. I want to take meditation classes and learn to calm my mind. I want to just do the things that help me be me again. This weekend made me realize that water and trees and sky are REALLY important to me. It's something I've known, but I got really emotional on Sunday about being back in Portland where I work an average of 15 hours a week, go to school, and otherwise spend a lot of time indoors, because I can't afford gas money to go to the Gorge or the coast as often as I'd like, which would normally fulfill those "Alaska-born" needs in me. I no longer live by water, but being within a drivable range to it makes me want to or need to see it as often as I can, and lately, that's just not all that often. This is but one of the reasons volunteering for Friends of Trees makes me so happy, because I'm spending so much time outside and I'm interacting with people in a positive manner!
(In good news, I have been hired by Amy Wing as a contractor to help with some of her jewelry-making and Saturday market sales! I am both honored and delighted by this.)
I do have something to look forward to, though. A few weeks ago some friends of mine in Ketchikan who I house-sat for last year contacted me to see if I could come house-sit for them again in April and they would provide my ticket up. Luckily, everything worked out and I'll be in Ketchikan for 2.5 weeks in less than two months! There is already talk of kayaking, hiking, dancing, and, of course, working, because there ain't no Brittany vacation like a working vacation. ;o)
In sum, overall I know I will be fine, but I am just kind of having a slightly depressed point in my life and I'm really excited for it to pass. I know my life totally rocks overall and I am thankful to have a roof over my head, a job or two, food on the table (potatoes and homemade white bread are cheap, y'all), an awesome boyfriend, good friends, a healthy dog (who turns the big 7 in April!), and much, much more.
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Sending good thoughts and hugs your way, ladyfriend!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I just want to feel cool again. ;o)
ReplyDeleteHey - I'm actually in a Buddhist/meditation group that meets many Tuesdays at 7:30pm in SE PDX. It's a short session, just about an hour (10 min of which is the meditation) but I find it really useful - and I came from a place of never having meditated. Something to think about. Track me down on fb if you're interested and I can direct you to the details.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this whole year has felt like this to me - detached, lame, not having the energetic drive I thought it would. You're not alone in it, for whatever that's worth.
I sooo empathize with all of this. I need "real" water in my life right now, and am trying to schedule outdoor time to stabilize my head. Also, last week I made a chart of 5 lists of important categories I need to pick 3 from daily. Anyway, I hope the external things balance out for you, and I'm shooting lazers of goodwill in your direction. Moments like these give us opportunity to grow!
ReplyDeleteKyle, you have been emailed! :o)
ReplyDeleteJenny, I like that you made a chart, too! By the end of the week I would like all the "exercise, vitamins, etc" boxes X-ed and then at least once a week the "bath/yoga" boxes need to be checked. I know things will balance out, but it probably won't be for a little bit (I only say this because of the timeline of some things I can't talk about on the blog), but I can at least do my best to change some of the things I CAN change, you know? That may help me to be able to cope with the things that just can't be changed yet. I know things will work out. Just gotta be patient. :o)
Thank you for sharing this!! I've felt the same way lately, and have been too scared to share on our blog. Maybe the best part is that you're holding yourself accountable, and owning up (or admitting) that you recognize that you're not yourself. I think it's really important, and humbling to realize you're not in your best place, then think of all the ways you can bring yourself back to feeling whole & fulfilled. I cannot wait to meet you ... I love your honestly, and even though you think it's not there, I love your zest for life that just oozes from your posts!!
ReplyDeleteSending love from northern Cali! I've been there too. More times than I'd like to admit. And I'm excited to hear about your new job opportunity! Love, Krista
ReplyDeletehugs, britt. and you know if you ever need to unload on a person, i'm here!
ReplyDeleteI know I am late in posting this but I think we all have been in similar situations at one point or another. I know that I have more times than I care to admit. But I think that recognizing it is a big step and if you ever need to talk id like to think I am a good listener. :)
ReplyDeleteHey love! I totally have had this feeling lately. The last week or two have been better. I really love where we live now & on my days off I always take the girls to the park to run around & usually walk to one of the shopping villages on my own to turn an errand. It makes me feel much better :)
ReplyDeleteAre there things going on I don't know about, or just the ones you've told me about?
Hope your boxes are getting crossed off :)
xoxo.
PS 1/3rd of the way to your Antarctica goal!!!! Yeeeah!
ReplyDelete